Screaming shouting voices

Saying Bad Things in my head

They verbalize the nasty feelings

Filling me with dread

 

There’s dirty filthy vicious things

That creep into my soul

Are they pulling me apart,

Or do they keep me whole?

 

I fight against this evil

The opposite of live

But is the fight a waste of time

Perhaps I should let it come in

 

In case it tries to trick me

Into thinking I’m insane

I will learn it’s depths and punishments

And explore it’s malicious vein

 

So wrong I’m told

But it feels quite right

To take a trip into the wasteland of

My minds most grieving plight

 

To be embraced by sadness

Frolic in searing pain

Crawl slowly through the darkness

Of this desolate threatening plain.

 

Emptiness and solitude

Complete and utter loss

Frightening places of gargoyle faces

Into hell this day I crossed

 

Here in this disillusionment

Separated from the whole

My choices are fragmenting

Ripped apart, a fallen soul

 

I leaped into the abyss

Allowed the stench of absent light

to show me through it’s gallery

Of opposing God with fright

 

A moan escapes my dry parched lips

A knife plunges into my belly

Blood gurgles out my ulcered mouth

Despair will heed no quelling

 

My body is gone

My mind a mess

I am a whirling spasming blob

Til I let go the need

to hold the fear so dear

Realization comes out in a sob

 

I am free without my body

I am free without my mind

In the death of all the tormented matter

My spirit is loosed to fly

 

In the absence of God, is God to be found

Sniffing about for some balance of feelings

Painting black on the back of the mirror

Resurrected

Understanding is healing

 

XOM

 

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